What’s Your Bowling Star Sign?

Gutter ball guru or lean, mean bowling machine? It’s all in the stars…

Aries (March 21 - April 20)

Key traits: Whether you’re playing or fighting, you have loads of fiery energy! You’re curious, cheerful and honest – no cheating on your watch. You can be generous to weaker team members, teaching moves and sharing tricks with them.

Most likely to: Arrive all energetic and ready to drop some pins, get impatient while waiting for your bowling shoes, plot up some weird new bowling throws to test out, get into a quarrel with your teammates ‘cos your “mind’s not in the game”. But life must be an adventure, right?!

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

Key traits: You just love that bowling is so romantically old-school! It suits your patient nature, too, since you can keep working at it until you get away with some artistic new trick shots. Just don’t get too stubborn about doing things “your way” if the ball keeps hitting the gutter…

Most likely to: Rock up in a cute tutu and vintage Cons, demanding ALL the loaded fries and cheese sauce in the building. You pick the comfiest chair and settle in for some snacking – could somebody ask the DJ for your favourite song while you’re at it?

Gemini (May 22 - June 21)

Key traits: Smart, charming, quick-witted… You’re loads of fun when your best side steps forward! You like figuring out trick shots and you’re happy to help others. Just keep your fickle twin in check and don’t just give up when things don’t go your way…

Most likely to: Do the Ministry of Silly Walks on the bowling lane, dropping the ball on your foot or doing the involuntary splits while at it – and then the team would have to fetch a stretcher to carry you off because beyond the line THE FLOOR IS LAVA. (Nope, blaming your “evil twin” won’t save you from a stern talking-to.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Key traits: You’re a gentle, careful soul, so you’ll take your time figuring out the rules: no stepping over the line or trying bizarre bouncing bowling ball strike shots! Your caring nature will easily pick up on who’s struggling or not having fun, and you’ll try to help them.

Most likely to: Keep calm and bowl on – up until the moment someone criticises your technique. Beware the gentle wrath of a Cancerian! Also, yes, you might have found “your” ball and only ever want to bowl with it from now on, but please don’t stick your fingers down the ball chute to find it…

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Key traits: Proud, wilful, loyal, enthusiastic… You’re your team’s biggest cheerleader, probably causing loads of drama along the way! But it will be glamorous drama, filled with indulgent moments and sparkle. Bring on the glittery bowling balls!

Most likely to: Look like a million bucks while bowling – one must be prepared for some fabulous Insta poses after landing all those impressive strikes, after all… Just watch your back for any bowling ball rebounds from jealous rivals!

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Key traits: Practical, perceptive, perfectionist… On your good days, you make an art form of the things you try to do. On bad days? Well, let’s just say your team members might be whining about “somebody” being a bit fussy and limiting…

Most likely to: Stop the lanes when you bowl. It’s all in your elegant style, your feet “just so”, the ball nestled neatly into your hand, the perfectionist gleam in your eye… Even the notorious bowling shoes look good on you. Everybody knows: if this ISN’T a strike then they ARE seeing history in the making!

Libra (September 23 – October 23)

Key traits: Ah, such an idealist: you may never have played before, but you know one thing for sure: you’re ready for your first strike! But first, you want to get to know everything about your teammates, using your charisma and strong social skills to good effect.

Most likely to: Rock up with a tray full of everybody’s favourite drinks. Explain how you’ve “not really practiced” before this game so that first strike was just luck. (Or how your first turkey was just because you didn’t want to embarrass the “weakest” team member, which you promise is not you…)

Scorpio (October 24 – November 22)

Key traits: We get it: you’re mysterious. You’re intelligent. You don’t really know why you’re taking part in this kind of “team” thing anyway. But you’re still going to give it your best shot to turn bowling into a seriously sexy sport.

Most likely to: Scowl enigmatically in the direction of your rival players. Wink at cuties and then pretend you didn’t. Go home with a date.

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)

Key traits: Never bowled before? No worries! You’re dead sure you’re going to pick it up in a heartbeat. Sprained wrists and ankles? Nah. “So, where do my fingers go…?”

Most likely to: Make ALL OF THE BOWLING PUNS EVER and giggle about them. “It’s not how you bowl, it’s how you roll!”

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Key traits: You’re practical and smart, and your reliability makes you the perfect team member to always honour bowling night. No matter that your team has yet to win a game – just keep swimming, right?

Most likely to: Pitch up with a proper plan (diagrams included) to help each team member optimise their game by getting their bowling shots right. If they positioned their left legs just so… (You might end up with a ball “accidentally” falling on your head.)

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Key traits: Your tolerant, calm nature makes you the perfect coach for a wayward team of bowlers. You’ll make sure they play to their strengths and keep their first moves and throws practical rather than flashy.

Most likely to: Keep your team’s zen going in the face of heckling rivals and numerous gutter balls. You’ll smooth egos, smile at everyone and then, just when things are going well, run away with the enemy’s cute captain. You rebel, you!

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Key traits: You’re a friendly, good-tempered spirit that likes doing kind things, such as ordering more tater tots for a Taurean teammate or polishing a Leo’s icky bowling ball. Just don’t retreat away from the lanes when things get going: we want to see you bowl!

Most likely to: Support your team members, cheering when they drop some pins and doling out hugs and milkshakes when they just can’t keep their balls out of the gutter.

Want to test this star sign theory? The lanes are waiting...